"For fast acting relief, try slowing down."
- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )

"I always wanted to be somebody…but I should have been more specific."
- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )

"Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then- we elected them."
- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )

"Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."
- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )

"Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world."
- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat."
- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )

"This is the operator. Am I speaking to the party to whom I am connected?"
- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )