"(Thanksgiving) 'Twas founded be th' Puritans to give thanks f'r bein' presarved fr'm th' Indyans, an' . . . we keep it to give thanks we are presarved fr'm th' Puritans."
- Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1936)

"A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case."
- Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1936)

"Disrobing in public is not to my taste; there are intellectual and spiritual pudenda as well as physical."
- Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1936)

"Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while."
- Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1936)

"It's more comfortable to feel that we're a slight improvement on a monkey thin such a fallin' off fr'm th'angels."
- Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1936)

"The only good husbands stay bachelors: they're too considerate to get married."
- Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1936)

"Twas founded be th' Puritans to give thanks f'r bein' presarved fr'm th' Indyans, an'…we keep it to give thanks we are presarved fr'm th' Puritans."
- Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1936)

"Ye can lead a man up to the university, but ye can't make him think."
- Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1936)