"Every mother knows her favorite child was the one who deserved love the least... but needed it the most."
- Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996)

"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
- Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996)

"I do not participate in any sport that has ambulances at the bottom of the hill."
- Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996)

"If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."
- Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996)

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
- Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996)

"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
- Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996)

"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
- Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996)

"The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've seen that I didn't have to clean."
- Erma Louise Bombeck (1927 - 1996)